boomeritis
December 2008 
Generation Me = Narcissism Squared
~C4Chaos
(Crossposted from www.c4chaos.com)
In a previous blog entitled, The Next Generation is Infected with Boomertis, I casually mentioned that one of the weaknesses I've noticed in the "American way of bringing up kids" is the lack of "authoritative parenting." That generated a number of passionate comments from my fellow Zaadzsters.
But don't shoot the messenger. Allow me to refer you to the book that generated the controversy in the first place. It was based on sound research. Here are some key quotes:
"GenMe's focus on the needs of the individual is not necessarily self-absorbed or isolationist: instead, it's a way of moving through the world beholden to few social rules and with the unshakable belief that you're important. It's also not the same as being "spoiled," which implies that we always get what we want; though this probably does describe some kids, it's not the essence of the trend (as I argue in Chapter 4, GenMe's expectations are so great and our reality so challenging that we will probably get less of what we want than any previous generation). We simply take it for granted that we should all feel good about ourselves, we are all special, and we all deserve to follow our dreams. GenMe is straightforward and unapologetic about our self-focus."
And we think the Boomers are already self-absorbed.
"The most common dreams of young people are acting, sports, music and screenwriting. In 2004, a national survey found that more college freshmen said they wanted to be an "actor or entertainer" than wanted to be a veterinarian, a dentist, a member of the clergy, a social worker, an architect or work in the sales department of a business. Music was just as popular as acting, and even more said they wanted to be artists. Almost one out of 20 college students expects to become an actor, artist or musician; more than want to be lawyers, nurses, accountants, business owners, journalists or high school teachers."
Hah! That's why expect more outsourcing to China, India, Russia, and the Philippines.
"Movies have latched onto "never give up on your dreams" with a vengeance. I like to say that modern movies have only four themes: "Believe in yourself and you can do anything," "We are all alike underneath," "Love conquers all," and "Good people win." (Do try this at home; almost every recent movie fits one of the four.) All of these themes tout the focus on the self so common today; in fact, it is downright stunning to realize just how well movies have encapsulated the optimistic, individualistic message of modern Western culture. Romantic love with a partner of one's choice (often opposed by one's parents) always wins in the end; intolerance is always bad; and when you believe in yourself, you can do anything. No one wants to watch a movie more like real life, where people try hard but fail more often than they succeed."
My suggested solution: Eschew The Grammys, The Oscars, MTV, ESPN, and American Idol! Watch The History Channel and Discovery Channel's Dirty Jobs more often.
But who are these GenMes anyway?
"Generation Me describes anyone born in the 1970s, 1980s, or 1990s -- in 2006, this means people between the ages of 7 and 36. These are today's young people, those who take it for granted that the self comes first."
Damnit! I made the cut. But since I wasn't born in the U.S. I think I'm exempted. That's how special I am! LOL.
Access: Public
But what about Little Miss Sunshine, this year's Oscar winner for best picture? It definitely doesn't fit any of those things. The young lady believed in herself and was good, but didn't win, love didn't really conquer all (grampie died, dad lost a ton of money, etc.), and the message was definitely not that we are all alike. And that was one of “Generation Me's” favorite films! I think the message, which resonated so strongly with the younger generation, that the film expressed was that crappy things happen no matter what you do, and it's a good idea to make the best of things (rather than wallow in self pity)… but not in a creepy new-agey self-help kind of way (a.k.a. The Secret)!
Maybe that message is why older folks see these younger folks as being “narcissistic”? Maybe older folks are still caught up in paradoxical idea that suffering is good?*
Though, I'll also point out that Generation Me has the highest rate of depression of any previous generation. So clearly there is far plenty of suffering going on! Maybe Generation Me is just taking their frustrations out on themselves, rather than looking for scapegoats to blame or external enemies to attack.
Also, I'll note that one of the reasons that young folks are focusing more on creative careers is because that's precicely where the demand is these days, at least in the West. And that's good, it means that society is finally bringing a big picture approach to problem solving (in addition to the narrow “specialist” approach, which is needed, too). The big picture approach opens up the business world to creating a broader spectrum of products and services that are more sustainable, more tailored to the needs of those who use them, less harmful, and less wasteful. When employees are able to be creative and intelligent and personally involved in their jobs, they will start to move companies in the direction of making good, meaningful things, and not just disposable assembly line crap that no one really needs or wants (and that marketing departments have waste all their creative energies trying to con people into buying!).
And it's not like these young folks don't care about the world. They very much do care, but they just don't know quite what to do to help, or where to start even. If we want them to contribute to solving world problems, we need to give them the tools and knowledge that they need to help us. And we need to give them a positive goal. And if the older generations can't come up with a positive goal, then the younger folks are going to come up with one on their own. That may not be a bad thing, but if it is, the older generations (includine mine, Generation X) will have no one to blame but ourselves.
I suggest a goal of creating a social, political, and economic environment that supports and provides for healthy, sustainable living for everyone that includes health for body, mind, and spirit (or body, intellect, and emotion, if you prefer).
And finally, I would suggest that 30 years is far to broad for a “generation” these days, what with Moore's law and all. Maybe 5-10 years max, really, would seem to be time between wholly different worldviews these days.
Ok, I'm done for now. Can you tell that this is a big issue for me? Being in the education field has really helped me see people at all levels and in a variety of different situations and cultures, and gave me a good broad view of what people are missing, as well as what their strengths are.
*Oh, and just to clarify, while I absolutely believe that suffering is not healthy, I do absolutely believe that failure is healthy, and can even be joyous. The difference between the two is that failure gives you the opportunity to learn, while suffering just turns you into a victim.
A few thoughts from me:
- Boomeritis has a broader meaning than just narcissism. Today's generation is quite cynical, for example, which seems quite different from classic Boomeritis.
- Authoritative parenting is often driven by narcissism, so its hard to see how this style of parenting per se leads to compassion. Its more likely that authoritative parents (sometimes) enforce compassion, with moderate success. I think there are more effective ways of teaching compassion that avoid the significant risks that accompany the authoritative style.
- As far as I can tell, the book itself doesn't provide evidence that authoritative styles lead to non-self-centered kids. The blog post seems to suggest that it does.
- Thomas De Zengotita argues convincingly in his book Meditated, that a primary cause of narcissism is the way the media makes us the center of attention at all times. He is unlike many cultural commentators in that he doesn't reflexively demonize narcissism.
- Following turtle's thought about suffering, I have noticed with many writers and commentators on this subject is that they seem to import a classic Christian dualism of concern for self vs. concern for others into their analysis. Christian altruism in its highest form is believed to be the total extinction of one's own individual perspective and needs, so that one simply denies that one has a perspective at all. I believe this is just as harmful and delusional as its opposite – the complete absence of any concern for other's needs and denial of their perspective. Ayn Rand's Virtue of Selfishness, for example, 'rejected' Christianity by flipping altruism on its head and calling it a virtue. These are the basic positions of the Christian framework, and it stands in contrast to the much more sane Buddhist view of self and others, in which altruism is not simply self-denial, but the unification of the perspective of the self and the perspective of the other. The concept of a Nash equilibrium (see A Beautiful Mind) might also have some relevance.
- I agree with turtle that things like Little Miss Sunshine are interesting counter-arguments. This might represent a kind of narcissism-fatigue, or maybe the way the data is gathered is flawed. Maybe people are basically just parroting what they've been taught to say in response to these questions, and how they actually operate in daily life is quite different.
On an unrelated note, turtle, you say Body, Mind, Spirit is equivalent to Body, Intellect, Emotion. That's strange to me, because the classic Eastern conception is basically Body, Emotion, Intellect, Spirit, which is also roughly how the brain is organized.
@MrTeaCup: ”- As far as I can tell, the book itself doesn't provide evidence that authoritative styles lead to non-self-centered kids. The blog post seems to suggest that it does.”
well, i haven't read the book. i'm quoting from the original article, which was also posted on KW blog.
“Permissiveness seems to be a component,” he said. “A potential antidote would be more authoritative parenting. Less indulgence might be called for.”
but yeah, i believe that more authoritative parenting would help. this would depend on the parents though. and we all know how matured most parents are :)
@Turtle: man, you just spoiled Little Miss Sunshine for me. i haven't seen it yet :)
~C4Chaos, I don't think knowing the ending ruins the movie at all! :-) It's the journey that's important not the destination…
And MrTeacup, I say Body Mind Spirit is equivalent to Body Intellect Emotion because I'm trying to keep it understandable and reasonable sounding to both “spiritual” types (though I never really was able to figure out what that meant) and non-spiritual types. That way everyone can find their own meaning in the goal.
C4,
I have no doubt that more authoritarian parenting would cause people to be less narcissistic. Generally speaking, these are good ways of teaching respect and consideration for people who have power over you. Unfortunately, it also breeds resentment, bitterness, depression and a host of other social pathologies, which is why that style was abandoned in the first place.
But lots of people don't mind that, especially when it happens to other people's children. Is narcissism such a problem that violence is proposed as the answer? This is deeply regressive, in my opinion.
Turtle, I can see how Mind and Intellect are the same, but Emotion and Spirit? These don't seem to go together. I'm just nit-picking, but I think the classic position of emotion is between Prana and Mind.
You don't need to see the connection between spirit and emotion, you just need to feel as if health in one of the groupings (body/mind/spirit OR body/intellect/emotions) is important to the world. And if you want to add stuff, that's cool too! I'm going for common ground here, to start with, so I'm trying to stick to the basics as much as possible for the goal.